woo hoo
by mellieforyellie
Summary: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid. — multi ; word-vomit collection ; inspired by TLFN.
1. a constant state of readiness

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: "the pain, leigh. i can't handle it!" "oh honey, i'm watching porn but now you're making me sad."

**notes**: this is a very random collection of, well, word-vomit (because it is too long and somewhat structured to call them drabbles, but too nonsensical and linked to call them one-shots) all based around the same universe. which is, by the way, all inspired by TFLN's. have fun!

**ps**: (also, the pairings are in no particular order.)

**pss**: i'm editing this because i put it in the second chapter, but thought it prominent to put it here too. i change the pairings for each chapter since it _is_ multi-pairing and the pairing system here is stupid.

**pairings**: naruhina, sasusaku, kibaino, nejiten, suikar & of course the ultimate broships.

* * *

chapter o1:

_(925)_

_frankly, since i met you, i practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex._

* * *

It was Girl Night. Well, ok, it was _supposed_ to be Girl Night.

Sakura (stupid bitch) had gotten a page saying they needed her at the hospital. She was a fucking intern! Who needs the _intern_ at the hospital in times of crisis? Fuck.

Hinata (sweet, sweet, dear baby she could never be mad at) and Tenten (stupid bitch) had a stupid family dinner that they had to go to that they "absolutely" could not get out of. And Tenten only had to go because she was dating the absolute prick Neji. How she had gained control of the boy was beyond Ino's imagination.

Karin (stupid bitch) had just kind of said _fuck you_ and decided that getting laid tonight was more important than hanging out with _her_. How dare she, right? She was _obviously_ more important than dick, ok.

So here Ino was, curled up on her couch, cradling a bottle of beer and watching Pretty Little Liars in her boyfriend's T-shirt and sexy panties that she really had only put on to flaunt to her friends. But they _weren't here_. Because they were _assholes_.

**to:** **Sak, Tenny, Kar, Hina  
****from: Ino  
**_you are all assholes, and i hate you. bet you wish you were here with me and my 24-pack of corona. bitches ain't shit._

They all sent her a collective text of a resounding "shut the fuck up, Ino" and with that, she promptly resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room. These dumb bitches and their stupid responsibilities that interfered with the sacred Girl Night.

She heard the mechanical unlocking of the apartment door and immediately took another swig of her beer in celebration. _Hell yes_, her boy was home, and now she could totally rub in all the girl's faces the amazing sex they had while they were off doing stuff that _wasn't _Girl's Night.

"Ki-_baaaa_," she sings, giggly and open-mouthed. And she wasn't even drunk yet.

He raises an eyebrow at her as he closes the door behind him, smirking that smirky-smirk of his that she _loved_. "I thought it was Girl's Night?"

"They all ditched me," she pouts, drinking another mouthful of beer. "They all had stuff to do that was _more important_ than getting drunk and talking about our sex lives. They're so mean."

Kiba laughs and plops down on the couch next to her, curling an arm around her shoulder. He kisses her neck once and steals her bottle while she's distracted, taking a long drink from it. She smacks his arm.

"Get your own, asshole!"

He grins, holding the bottle with his other arm directly out of her reach, and kisses her when she leans over to try to grab it back from him. He tastes like buffalo wings (while they were supposed to have Girl's Night, they had Guy's Night at a bar — it was football season, duh) and Corona, and she loves it. She kisses him back, wrapping her outstretched arms around his shoulders, fingers idly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He pulls apart for one more drink, before handing the bottle to her. She gulps down a good fifth of the bottle before setting it on the coffee table and leaning into him with a kiss.

Kiba's hands are warm as they encase her, sneaking in under her shirt — _his_ shirt — and trailing his fingers (rough from work, but _God_, did she love them) at the place where her panties meet her hips. He raises an eyebrow as he traces along the lace.

"Sexy panties for a Girl's Night?" he asks, grinning, kissing her jaw. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Lingerie is now the only way we can compete these days, Kiba," she murmurs, tugging on his shirt. "Off. Now."

He complies, pulling away from her — and she shivers as his warmth leaves her torso — to pull off his shirt, tossing it somewhere behind him. Neither of them really care.

And they're kissing again, his hands warm on her thighs and her nails sharp on his back. They both like it rough, and as he suddenly kneads her ass cheek she moans sharply. He pushes her onto her back on the couch and her legs immediately wrap around his hips.

Ino stares up at him with long, fluttery eyelashes and the smile of a vixen.

"Guess you weren't expecting sex tonight, were you?" she murmurs against his lips.

Kiba shakes his head, laughing. "Frankly, since I met you, I exist in practically a constant state of readiness for sex."

She pouts. "Am I that bad?"

"Yeah." But then he kisses her, long and hard, biting her lower lip hard enough to make her squeak. "But then again, so am I."

And this was why she was going to marry him.


	2. but he baked me cookies for breakfast

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: to Pandora.

**notes:** ok, so, since this is a collection of inspired word-vomit, and each chapter is pretty much going to be about different pairings, i'm changing the pairing for each chapter because, well, ok, this is just stupid.

* * *

chapter o2:

_(216)_

_i can't find my underwear or one of my shoes, but he baked me cookies for breakfast_

* * *

Hinata was, really, not usually one to get drunk. Mostly because she did not like not having control over what she did or what she remembered, and she often prided herself on the fact that she usually had a good sense of judgment. But when vodka was involved, that was usually the first thing to go.

For starters, at least she knew where she was, and that she had not done something she was going to regret. Sure, it was going to suck because she can already feel the tell-tale soreness of a night of great sex and she couldn't even remember it, but at least it had been with her boyfriend and not some random guy. Well, ok, that had never happened to her before — the only reason she had even let herself get drunk was because he had been there — but she had heard enough of the other girls' stories to never want it to happen.

But she was completely naked under the covers and her boyfriend nowhere in sight. And while looking through the piles of discarded clothes on the floor, she could not seem to locate her panties. Fuck.

Instead, she pulled on one of his t-shirts (which was, admittedly, _huge_ on her) and a pair of his boxers that she knew weren't really going to stay on very well, but hey, it was better than bare ass against cold wood.

She walks out sleepily, just in time to see him set down a huge tray from out of the oven onto the island countertop. Hinata blinks at the sheer amount of cookies that are collected on it, before wrapping her arms around his middle.

Naruto grins down at her, pulls the oven mitts off and kisses the top of her head. "Mornin'. You hungry?"

"Cookies? Really?" she asks with a laugh, pinching his waist to tease him.

"Yup," he says, before pointing to his small dinner table. "There's some aspirin and some water. I think you're phone's over there, too."

Hinata reaches up to kiss him with a smile. "You're perfect."

He grins and kisses her nose, before shooing her away to collect the cookies. "I try."

As Hinata chugs down the water and the aspirin, she sits down to check her phone. Ino, of course, so used to hangovers from hard nights of partying is already up and making sure she's ok.

**to: Hina  
****from: Ino  
**_ok, how hung over are you?_

**to: Ino  
****from: Hina  
**_I think I'm so hung over I can't tell._

**to: Hina  
****from: Ino  
**_damage control?_

**to: Ino  
****from: Hina  
**_I don't remember the sex we had last night and I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes, but he baked me cookies for breakfast._

**to: Hina  
****from: Ino  
**_he's a keeper._


	3. i figured you would be amused

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: dania, because wow i can't make decisions.

**notes:** i didn't put the full TFLN in the description because, just, it was long. you'll see.

* * *

chapter o3:

_(623)_

_i figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight._

* * *

Karin stared down at the text in front of her. Just.

What the actual fuck.

**to: two-headed bitch  
****from: sharky asshole  
**_Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight._

**to: sharky asshole  
from: two-headed bitch**  
_you have to be serious otherwise you wouldn't be so nice right now._

**to: two-headed bitch  
from: sharky asshole  
**_That is correct, babe. So, you want go wait at the station for me?_

**to: sharky asshole  
from: two-headed bitch  
**_why the fuck am i dating you. why. maybe i should just make you suffer for a night._

**to: two-headed bitch  
****from: sharky asshole  
**_Because of the mind blowing sex. Which, by the way, I can promise lots of - however you want - if you can come bail me out tonight. Oh, there's the cop. See you later, Sweetcheeks._

**to: sharky asshole  
from: two-headed bitch  
**_i hate you, and your dick. i'll be there in 15._

She can't believe she was fucking doing this. The wad of cash stunk of weed but maybe if she sprayed enough perfume on it and let it air out for long enough in the car that the cops wouldn't be able to tell. She threw the cash in the passenger seat next to her and Christ, if she shouldn't have gotten a ticket herself.

**to: Ino, Sak, Hina, Tenny  
****from: Kar  
**_thank yourselves and your good judgment, because you're not driving to the police station at 2 in the morning with your boyfriends weed money to bail him out in return for topping for a night. what did i ever do to deserve to want someone like him._

**to: Kar  
from: Sak  
**_Do you really want the answer to that question?_

**to: Sak  
from: Kar  
**_i don't need your sass._

Karin hated her friends, and she hated her boyfriend.

When she arrived at the station to save him, he had just walked through the door, hadn't even been put in a cell yet, and to be honest, the cop that had arrested him looked pretty pissed that he had already gotten bailed out.

Suigetsu's grinning as they walk out and into the parking lot. "Damn, you must _really_ love my dick — "

"That's fucking right," she growls, pushing him against the side of her Toyota, grabbing him by the collar and kissing him hard and fierce. "Because I absolutely _loathe_ you. And I'm going to top you so hard tonight you will _never_ think about doing whatever stupid shit you did tonight again."

Ok, Suigetsu wouldn't admit it, but he secretly totally loved it when Karin topped him. He would never let her _know_ that, because she gets _way_ too much satisfaction out of it and made him _far_ too sore, but he did.

His fingers curl around the swell of her ass and _squeeze,_ and he grins on the inside at her growl. "Maybe we should take this home, babe."

"I fucking hate you and your stupid names," she grumbles, readjusting her glasses and unlocking the car.

Oh, they were both going to enjoy the _hell_ out of tonight.

**from: Ino  
to: Kar  
**_was it worth it?_

**from: Kar  
to: Ino  
**_hell fucking yeah._


	4. how was your weekend?

**summary**:congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: to skipping school for minor surgeries.

**notes**: so i've decided to kind of give each pairing their own first chapter here initially, and like i said, i'll try to kind of regulate everybody and not have like, 3 of the same pairing in a row, but after all of them, we'll just have to see.

* * *

chapter o4:

_(650)_

_i'm driving to work with an icepack on my vagina. how was your weekend?_

* * *

So, it was supposed to have been _their_ weekend. Sasuke had taken off work at his crappy part-time mall job all weekend, and Sakura was _supposed_ to have gotten work off at the hospital all weekend.

Keyword: _supposed_.

They would cuddle until late in the morning, because Sakura was _tired_ and she just wanted to _sleep_ and Sasuke respected that. They would hang out for the most part until late afternoon, watching Netflix and playing stupid video games together. And every single time they would start getting touchy, kissing hot and open-mouthed, clothes barely beginning to come off, there it was.

_Beep. Beep. Beep_.

Her pager.

It was Sunday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon and all Sasuke could do was groan and throw himself back against the couch.

"Are you kidding me," he says, glaring up at the ceiling. "Are you fucking kidding me."

Sakura groans, too. But she gets up, changes into her work clothes — her stupid, stupid work clothes — and kisses him before she leaves. "I'll be back later. I'll text you when I get out."

"_If_ you get out," he grumbles, still glaring, not having moved. "You might as well live there, Sakura."

She was only mildly irritated at his attitude, but that didn't stop her from making a snide comment. He should learn not to fuck with her by now.

"Because I really, honestly _wanted_ to get called in every day on what was supposed to be my weekend." She slips her keys and her cell into her pocket. "Bye."

She slams the door on her way out.

Sasuke sighs.

**to: Dobe  
****from: Teme  
**_I hate that she interns at the hospital. Is this the kind of blue balls I will have to deal with for the rest of my life?_

**to: Teme  
from: Dobe  
**_didn't she have the weekend off? weren't you guys supposed to have incredible sex?_

**to: Dobe  
from: Teme  
**_Yes. And yes. Which is precisely why I'm currently blue balling because she's gotten called in EVERY SINGLE DAY this weekend and she's not home until like, midnight and by then she's too tired to do anything. _

**to: Teme  
from: Dobe  
**_dude. pity. _

The more he thought about it, the more he decided he wasn't going to let this weekend be _completely_ wasted. Yeah, ok, he had a plan.

**to: Sasuke  
from: Sakura  
**_Ok, on my way home. Sorry about all this. _

It was only eleven when Sakura started climbing the stairs to her apartment, which was, admittedly surprising. She had been out past midnight and one o' clock on her previous nights and she still had some energy left. Maybe she could surprise Sasuke and they could still redeem their weekend after all?

She unlocked the door and walked in, throwing her keys and phone onto the kitchen counter and shrugging out of her lab coat.

"Sasuke?" she called out into the darkness.

Silence.

Sakura sighed. He must be asleep by now. Yeah, so she wasn't going to get to surprise him with sex, but whatever. Maybe she should give him a blowjob in the morning to apologize for all this shit?

And then she was promptly pushed up against the door, resisting the urge to scream. She knew the warm lips that were at her neck, knew the hands that were trapping her own above her head. She sighed and tilted her head to allow Sasuke more access to her neck, hickeys be damned.

He pulled away to capture her mouth in a kiss, and she twined her fingers through with his and kissed him back. Sakura whimpered as he bit her lip hard, trailing down her jaw to breathe into her ear.

"Hey."

"Hi," she murmured shakily, before breaking out his grip and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Can we fuck now, please?"

He smirked and bit her neck, hard enough for her to squeal. Oh yeah, that was going to leave a nice, big bruise.

"That can be arranged."

**to: Ino  
from: Sak  
**_I'm driving to work with an icepack on my vagina. How was your weekend?_

**to: Sak  
from: Ino  
**_obviously not as good as yours was._


	5. that's hard to find

**summary**:congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: "bianca, i can't wait for the moment when we can get shit-faced together, because i want to get shit-faced with _you_." "kenz, we are not just going to get shit-faced, we are going to get _shit-faced_."

**notes**: this one, this one has some real smut in it. how to earn my M-rating, i guess.

* * *

chapter o5:

_(631)_

_but he buys me breakfast and goes down on me, that's hard to find_

* * *

It had been 4 o' clock in the morning, ok, but she was kind of drunk and lets face it, the only way she was _not_ going to puke was if she had McDonald hashbrowns.

"I still don't understand how this is going to help you _not_ puke," he says as he waits by the drive-thru window, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "I can smell the grease from here, Tenten, and that's not usually best on a stomach that's otherwise empty except for vodka."

"I am getting my hashbrowns," she mumbles, smacking him idly. "And if you dare try to stop me, so help me God."

He didn't need to be told twice, but crinkled his nose as he handed her the bag of six hashbrowns that smelled like death.

"I think _I'm_ going to puke, and I was the designated driver."

"Shut your whore mouth, Neji."

He had generally built up kind of an immunity to her drunken ramblings and usually didn't miss a beat, but sometimes, like this time, he had to just kind of shake his head and ignore it all.

During the rest of the ride to her apartment, she mumbled things that he couldn't understand around mouthfuls of hashbrowns, and as much as he didn't like people eating in his car, this was _Tenten_. She had puked in his car, they had had sex in his car, and he would rather much have crumbs to clean out than puke. (He had to get his entire upholstery replaced the last time she puked in his car. That had been a sad moment.)

She had been finished with her food by the time he had pulled into a parking spot for her complex, and helped her out of the car.

"Are you staying with me?" she mumbles, interlocking their fingers.

Neji nods; he doesn't have work or classes in the morning and, to be honest, he was not quite sure how much he trusted drunk Tenten before she fell asleep. And he was still quite positive that she was going to end up puking and wanted to make sure she didn't die by choking on her own vomit.

"'Kay."

She hands him her keys and doesn't even bother trying to unlock the door, and just lets him do it for her. Once he opens it, she pulls off her shoes and immediately goes to flop onto her bed. It is soft and wants to envelope her and _wow_ she just wants to sleep now.

"Change into some pajamas, please," Neji says, nudging her. "Or at least take off the jeans or something. You're not going to be comfortable in the morning. Afternoon. Whenever you wake up."

She groans. She's perfectly happy where she is and she does not want to move. She shakes her head no as best she can against her pillow.

Tenten hears him sigh and rolls her over — despite her very unhappy groan — and tries to pull off the jeans she had been wearing.

"What am I, four?" she mumbles, but lifts her hips to let him pull them off of her.

"Well, when I have to dress you, you're probably more around the two range." He shoots her a look. "Maybe younger."

She sticks her tongue out at him, but tugs at his shirt.

"What?"

"I want to wear this shirt."

"But this is my shirt."

"I know. I don't care."

He sighs, pulls off his shirt and hands it to her. She sits up for long enough to take off her bra and her own shirt, flinging them somewhere to the other side of the room, and pulls his on. It smells like him and only a little like the bar they had spent all night at.

Before she really knows what she's doing, she pulls Neji closer and kisses him, sighing into his mouth. Her nails graze lightly down his bare back, and she smiles at his small shiver that she knows he tried to hide.

But then before she knows what _he's_ doing, he's trailing kisses down her jaw and pulling off her panties. She doesn't really resist, because there really isn't a reason to — besides, she's already exhausted, maybe a good orgasm will just totally knock her out and maybe it will cure just a little bit of the overwhelming hangover she'll have in the morning — but does raise an eyebrow.

"What're you doing?"

He answers her with a kiss to her inner thigh, and _o-kay_, hello sudden arousal, _didn't see you there_. She throws her head back against her pillow and tries not to bite her lip too hard.

"Fuck," she gasps as he trails a rough thumbpad along her clit. "Oh my god."

Ok, sex with Neji, was, admittedly, great. Like, holy fucking _shit_, was sex with Neji great. But when he did stuff like this? Oh, hot damn. She had told him she would marry him the first time he did this. He was _so_ good at oral, that she was honestly surprised that she was his first and only. Where had he learned this shit? Because he knew exactly what to do and she _never_ had to tell him anything aside from mostly pointless wanton pleas.

And, wow, the things he could do with his tongue. Which, by the way, was currently circling her clit just, so, wow, perfectly. She can't really think and voices her pleasure by gripping the pillow tighter and digging her heels into his back with a whimper.

Tenten can literally feel his smirk on her vagina, and is about to say something about how much of an egotistical asshole he is, but he presses down on her hips just a little tighter and delves inside of her with his tongue and she sees white.

Ok, yeah, he deserves that ego — every single bit of it.

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_ok, how shitfaced did we get last night? i have a bruise on my ass in the shape of the bar counter and i can't walk._

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_if i remember correctly, you tried to pay for another jello shot via lap dance over the bar counter._

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_oh my god. did i do it?!_

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_no, kiba stopped you, paid for the drink, and pushed you into the cab too fast for you to process._

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_oh thank god. i probably owe him a bj for that, don't i?  
_

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_most likely._

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_how was the drunken sex with YOUR man last night? can you even remember it?_

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_i didn't get NEARLY as shit-faced as you did last night, thank you very much. and we didn't have sex - he drove, was stone sober and it was 4 am._

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_bummer. bo-ring._

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_but he buys me breakfast and goes down on me. THAT'S HARD TO FIND._

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_who would have known the boy had it in him? & the question is, should we tell hinata about this development? i mean, i know we all pretty much have a collective sex life at this point, but where do we draw the line?_

**to: Ino  
from: Tenny  
**_dude, last night was so amazing, i don't give a fuck how uncomfortable she is, she has to know. this is what her gene pool branched from. _

**to: Tenny  
from: Ino  
**_ok, fair enough._


	6. call me

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: literally the perfect Pandora station, ok.

**notes**: this is also posted on my ao3 account (linked in my profile) and i always update my tumblr (also linked in my profile) every time a new chapter is posted!

* * *

chapter o6:  
_(716)  
i just had sex in the back of an ambulance. call me._

* * *

Sakura really doesn't know how she got away with this.

They had just been having lunch, he didn't have classes for the rest of the day, and she was on break for the next hour. He had driven down to the hospital so they could have lunch in the cafeteria, legs entangled under the cheap plastic table. They had just been eating, talking idly about class and work, eating their respective meals.

And then they shared a _look_, and they were gone.

She lets herself be pulled up into the back of the ambulance, not really worrying about the way her pencil skirt rides up as she steps up. Then, Sasuke is kissing her neck and everything gets a little hazy from there.

Well, ok, she remembers the harsh bite to her collarbone (right where nobody could see it) and the panty drop, but she doesn't really remember when her skirt got hitched up to her waist and when he got his dick inside her. But, well, that really didn't matter anymore because — did she mention she loved his dick?

And very soon after they both come — her first, because Sasuke always made sure before he got his — and they're sitting on the bed that is _supposed_ to be for emergency patients, that they can hear the EMT drivers rushing toward the vehicle. And they book it out the back barely smoothing out her skirt and he's still buttoning his jeans back up. _Fuck_, she's going to have to get a tampon in just so she doesn't leak cum all over the place — they should really invest in condoms for on-the-go sex.

"How the hell does this happen?" Sakura asks him, exasperated and breathless.

She doesn't mention the fact that it's a little hard to stand, and to be honest she might kill herself if she stays in these heels.

Sasuke shrugs, and she can tell he is _also_ suffering from post-orgasm high — and hey, why shouldn't he be, she was hot shit — before looking at her out of the corners of his eyes. "You could so get fired."

She groans, putting her head in her hands. "Oh God, shut up. Just shut up. Don't even make me think about it. Oh my god. This is your fault."

"Don't blame this on me."

"You're the one who pulled me into the ambulance! Oh my God."

"You didn't have to go along."

He's smirking now. That asshole.

"Go away, I'm done, goodbye."

**to: Ino  
from: Sak  
**_i just had sex in the back of an ambulance. call me.  
_

**to: Sak  
from: Ino  
**_at work?!__…do tell._


	7. the one where no sex actually happens

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.  
**dedication**: exhaustion.  
**notes**: there's going to be one more kind of for sure circulation of pairings, and then i'm going to start throwing out my broships, which is just, you know. broships. self-explanatory.  
**ps**: sorry for no chapter yesterday. it wasn't my day, and trust me when i say that this chapter has a much higher quality because i did not try to push out a chapter yesterday.  
**pss**: whether another chapter will get published today is to be determined.

* * *

chapter o7:

_(330)_

_my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark_

* * *

Kiba had bought the weed from Suigetsu — _God_, that boy bought a fuck lot of weed — and she had ordered the pizza, wings, and Chinese food. _That_ had been a lot of sexual tension between delivery boys, considering all three of them had somehow, miraculously, arrived at the same time? Whatever, she didn't care, they could think she was a fatass if they wanted to.

By the time she had arranged the food _beautifully_ on the coffee table, set up Netflix on the Playstation and had the coziest fucking sofa pillow orgy one could have, Kiba had come back, tossing her the bag with a grin. "We fucking _scored_."

Ino grins as she pulls him toward her, kissing him.

They were going to get _shit-faced_.

They usually couldn't afford things like this — times were hard, college was expensive, and so was weed and take-out. They didn't have cable, and most of the time their spare money went to alcohol or shopping. They always managed somehow — ok, well, she _did_ have Daddy wrapped around her little finger, and he didn't want his poor girl to be out on the _streets_ — but usually didn't have much spare money for a _feast_ as tonight would be.

But, Suigetsu loved them, Kiba had made some extra money at work, and Ino promised she wouldn't buy anymore shoes for the rest of the month.

She lets him start rolling while she pulls up _Clerks_ — it really was a shame they didn't have _Clerks 2_, because that movie was the shit, ok. But, _Clerks_ was fantastic in its own way and it was seriously honestly the best thing to watch while they were high.

(Ok, they _could_ watch _Portlandia_, but that show was all kinds of stupid on its own.)

They shared one at first, handing it to one another between inhales and exhales, quickly filling the room with heavy, opaque smoke. The beginning of Clerks, was, as usual, the beginning — it wasn't really _funny_ until Randall showed up. Or until Jay and Silent Bob's cameo, but that was a different story.

Then they began to devour the wings. They always ate by order — the wings were best when hot, so they always ate those first, then pizza, then Chinese for (mostly) leftovers in the morning.

The black and white bright against the dark backdrop of the rest of the apartment kind of hurt Ino's sensitive eyes, but amidst the giggles and the _food_ (holy shit, food was _so_ good when she was stoned) and the kissing she didn't really care.

She would like to say that she had pretty much perfected the shotgun at this point, and kissing Kiba after they had discarded the joint in the ashtray was pretty much perfect. She could taste the smoke still in his mouth, and she could smell it as he exhaled it through his noise. She really didn't know kind of why smoking was really hot, just that it kind of _was_.

They cuddle and stare at the TV as Dante and Veronica fight about how many people they've slept with, and Kiba looks down at her. "Hey, we're not like that, right?"

Ino shoots him a look. "Kiba, you don't ask about how many people I've fucked — which is quite a few — and I don't ask you how many people you've fucked — which is quite a few — and it will stay that way. Because who needs that kind of negative bullshit? Um, no one."

He smiles and kisses the top of her head. "Love you, kiddo."

She beams, and flutters her lashes. "Besides, I'm pretty sure we're the only people we'll ever fuck again."

"Is that a proposal?"

"Depends, will you wear the ring?"

"I will so wear your diamond, Ino. Just make sure to carry me over the threshold, ok?"

They laugh and kiss and smoke and life is beautiful.

**to: Karin  
from: Ino  
**_my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark.  
_

**to: Ino  
from: Karin  
**_you smoked your weed well, i see._


	8. the elusive male walk of shame

**summary**: congratulations, it's 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.

**dedication**: um, to dancing. because fuck everyone else.

**notes**: this is a little taste of broship, i guess, but the pairing for the chapter is suikar.

**ps**: ok wow ok halfway through writing it i decided i _lied_ and i'm going to totally do a whole chapter set for this specific setup ok because wow i really like this. but then broships. yes.

**pss**: i really didn't proofread this chapter. sorry.

* * *

chapter o8:

_(571)_

_i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame_

* * *

Tonight was fucking _awesome_.

They had been able to pull Hinata and Tenten with them to the club-bar-thing-place, two people who would normally not be seen _dead_ in a club, but they had let them because it was _summer_, and _fuck_ everything. College was so fucking boring, and the exams had been _hell_ (ugh, and now they would have to start their _real_ classes, that was going to suck) and they deserved to let loose for a night.

When they get to the club, they pass by the line, because Hinata and Karin had _boobs_, Ino and Sakura were _gorgeous_, and Tenten could kick anybody's ass who _dared_ stand in her way. With a stamp on their hands, they were in, music pounding loud enough to immediately make them disorientated.

Despite Ino and Karin's whine, they insist on drinks first, and order girly drinks as their starters, because the bitter burning was normally a lot easier to down when they were already kind of trashed.

(And oh, were they going to get _smashed_.)

By the third round of drinks they were all kind of giggly and tipsy, and so they took to the dance floor.

Karin and Ino danced together, laughing because they had been dancing together since they were _tiny_, and it was sometimes so _hard_ not to burst into choreographed movement, but they didn't. Hinata was always kind of protected, in some form, and at this point it was by Tenten and Sakura, blocking her from the lustful stares of, well, _too_ many guys.

Karin and Ino, however, didn't give a _fuck_ about those stares. Because they were fucking _hot_ and every guy _should_ be staring at them, with their fabulous tits and their pretty butts and these six-inch heels weren't for nothing.

And ok, they'll admit, usually these nights ended up with them going home with some random stranger. But they didn't really regret, because that was a _bad_ negative word that they didn't like. Besides, who the hell had regrets like that? They just wanted _fun_ and fuck if they weren't going to get it, ok.

As the noise of Ke$ha began to fade several songs later, Karin pulled into in close to yell into her ear "I'm going to go get something else to drink!"

She sat next to a particularly _attractive_ individual — ok, understatement, he was hot as fuck — and ordered a vodka and coke ("But, more vodka, less coke, 'kay?") and shot a side-glance at the guy next to her.

He was kind of built. Well, ok, not like he was _bulging_ with biceps, but he was pretty toned. And he had pretty-pretty violet eyes and light hair and hey, ok, she could totally fuck him.

And, well, she was _going_ to fuck him.

* * *

**to: Ino  
from: Kar  
**_hey so um. i found my dick for tonight. it is prospective from the looks of it. will prob not be back to you guys. love & kisses!_

**to: Kar  
from: Ino  
**_BITCH. THIS WAS OUR NIGHT. YOU SUCK. YOU AND YOUR STUPID HORNY VAGINA SUCKS.  
_

**to: Ino  
from: Kar  
**_cry me a river build a bridge & get over it. stfu.  
_

**to: Ino  
from: Kar  
**_you're mean and we're no longer friends. bai, see you NEVER, stupid bitch.  
(let me know how the sex thing goes. k? k. lessthanthree.)_

* * *

Yeah, ok, they were crazy bitches, but they loved it, and anyone who thought they were anything other than _amazing_ obviously did not belong in their lives.

She drinks a good fourth of the glass in her first gulp, welcoming the slow burn down her throat and the almost-comforting warmth in the pit of her stomach.

The boy stares at her from the corner of his eyes, and Karin can see the slow smirk he has and wow, that was fucking _hot_. (_You can smirk at me like that all night, pretty boy_.)

"Impressive," he murmurs, and his voice was like quicksilver.

_Score_. That wasn't impressive at all — he was just flirting with her. She smirks, and looks down at him from over the top of her glasses.

"That's not even the beginning of what I can do," she says with a flirty smile and a flutter of her lashes.

He grins, intrigued. "Oh, really?"

His voice is smooth and sultry, and to be honest she's getting a little wet just _thinking_ about sex with him.

She nods slowly, taking a sip of her drink. "Yeah, would you like to find out?"

Their eyes connect, violet and red in a flash, and they pay for their drinks with a flash of cash on the bar and they're gone.

He takes her in his car, and between the making out against his car and in it before they're even out of the parking lot, they exchange names breathlessly, swallowing the syllables and ingesting them in one another.

Karin thought his name was funny. Sui-get-su. It almost made her giggle (or maybe that was the alcohol?— she didn't know, didn't care anymore) except for the fact that she was really fucking attracted to him and he, apparently, totally wanted to get with her.

"Mm, just take us to my place," she murmurs against the shell of his ear, purring along with the engine of his car (it was _fancy_ and she _liked_ it) as he started it up. "Privacy. Neighbor's won't complain."

Ok, well, yeah, it was private. Mostly because her parents had moved out long ago and well, she was trying to make a summer job so she could have enough for an apartment, since the other girls were _bitches_ and didn't need a fucking roommate — stupid rich bitches with parents that cared, _sigh_ — and so the house was completely empty, save for the kitchen, lots of boxes, and her bedroom.

She directs him as they go, and they share hot, hungry kisses between red lights. She spies the dark lights of Sakura's house across the street and giggles to herself, wondering if Sakura would even come _back_ in the morning. (Not if she wanted to get laid, _that_'_s_ for sure — but then again, she wasn't quite as promiscuous as her and Ino were.)

"Sorry for the mess," Karin mumbles as she unlocks the door and allows him inside. "Moving soon."

"Mm, don't really care," Suigetsu (_Sui-get-suuuuu_) murmurs against her ear, pushing her up against the door as soon as she closes it. He runs the tip of his tongue (_don't shiver, don't shiver, DON'T SHIVE— fuck, I shivered_) along the shell of her ear as his hands run down her sides. "Where's the bedroom, babe?"

With a languid walk, she links their fingers and leads him upstairs to her room, and their periodic stops against the hall wall to make out were, really, just small speed bumps.

(Speaking of, the things he could do with his tongue? Yeah, Karin was looking forward to fucking him.)

As soon as she pulls him into the room, she's on her back on top of her bed, and he's kissing her and just, _wow_. She smirks into the kiss, running her hands up his back and under shirt, before _raking_ back down again. She bites his bottom lip when he pulls away with a sharp gasp and flips them over.

* * *

Oh, she shouldn't have _done_ that.

Suigetsu was not one to be _dominated_ — he was the one in control, he was _always_ the one in control, and no _one_ was going to fucking change that. And this little girl? She had no fucking idea what she was getting into.

He growls, grinding his hips into hers, smirking at her gasp.

"Wanna play rough, babe? We can play rough."

* * *

He fucking growled, and it was _hot_ and — oh, what was that about playing rough? Oh, did he think Karin couldn't _handle_ that?

_Cute_.

She smiles bitterly at him, before pulling her shirt off in one fluid motion and smashing her lips to his, nails digging into his skull.

"Think I can't bite back, pretty boy? Try again."

* * *

Suigetsu sucks at her tongue as it sneaks into his mouth, grabbing a fistful of her long, bright hair in his hand and _pulling_. He can hear her whimper into his mouth, but it seemed to only turn her on further, kissing him back with a new fervor and tugging up at his shirt.

"Off," she commands, fierce crimson eyes staring into his, and a slow, _evil_ smile spreads across her face. "Or I might have to get violent."

_So she likes it rough, huh? Well, I can do with that._

He and this girl might get along, he thinks. Because so far, the sex was fucking great and she only had her shirt off. Oh, yeah, this might be a night worth remembering.

* * *

Karin woke up, groggy and with a pounding head. And _fuck_, she hurt _everywhere_.

She was currently naked, with a rather warm and — dare she say it? — firm body next to her, pressed against her backside. She looks behind her, barely noting the arm strewn over her waist (and not even considering the way their fingers were interlocked) and raises her eyebrows.

_Ok, go drunk me_.

He was fucking _hot_, and while she couldn't really remember his name — S something? — she could definitely remember the hot, violent sex they had the previous night. Oh, yeah, she could get used to this.

His neck was covered in hickeys, bruises, and bite marks and after a quick inspection via the screen of her cell, she determined that she was, too. Her legs felt like fucking jelly, her whole genital region _throbbed_, and she could tell she was not getting rid of these bruises for _weeks_.

What a fucking night.

* * *

When Suigetsu wakes up, it's alone.

He wasn't really very drunk last night, and he can remember _everything_.

He grins, taking note of the satisfied way she looked when she passed out last night, and oh yeah, she was _totally_ going to be his number one booty call. That had been fucking _awesome_.

Pulling his boxers on from the place they were strewn across the room, he walks down the stairs, sort of kind of trying to find her, but mostly following the scent of cooking food. Fuck, he was hungry.

And she's — fuck, what's her name? Karui? he had been a little preoccupied — donning an apron in his shirt and a pair of lacy panties, cooking pancakes. She turns around, hearing him stumbling down the stairs, and smiles.

"Hungry?"

He was going to have to get this girl's number. She was the lay of a lifetime, _and_ she was cooking him breakfast? Hell yes.

* * *

Karin doesn't miss the way he looks her up and down, especially when he realizes that she's wearing his shirt. And, wow, looks at those _abs_ — yep, booty call. It was going to happen. She was going to be _very_ involved with that dick in the future.

"Fucking starving," he replies with a grin, sitting down at the kitchen island.

She hands him a plate of pancakes before setting down the butter and maple syrup in the middle. "My name's Karin, by the way. I can't remember your name for shit, so I didn't think you remembered mine, either."

"Suigetsu," he mumbles around a forkful of pancake.

They sit next to each other and eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally stealing glances at each other out of the corner of their eyes, before he lets his fork clatter to his plate.

"Thanks, that was fucking awesome," he says, stealing a look around the rest of the place. "Say, why do you have this empty house? Pretty big for one person."

Karin swallows her mouthful of food before replying. "Parent's are selling, moved out a while ago. Trying to find an apartment. Kind of hard to find one that's not a piece of shit."

* * *

She needed a place to stay, huh?

"I've been looking for a roommate for like, months, actually," he says, shooting her a glance with his _pretty_-pretty violet eyes. "Wanna check it out?"

Karin raises her eyebrows. Living with the guy she wanted to fuck? Oh, this could work out in so many ways. She might find out he's a piece of shit later, since she didn't really _know_ him, but, what the hell. Life was short, right?

"Yeah," she says, a slow smirk growing. "Text me the address."

* * *

"I might need your number for that, Babe," Suigetsu says, with a grin.

She hums and hands him her cell, with a fluttery bat of lash and sexy smile. Oh, he could get used to this.

He programs his name in her phone — oh, she might kill him later — and sends a text to his phone so he has her number, and hands it back.

She smiles at him as he places her phone back in her hands, before frowning at the time that flashed on the screen. "Fuck, I have class."

* * *

Karin is kind of disappointed when he has to leave, because _her_ stupid ass has to go to class (even as hung over as she was) and watches him as he pulls his clothes on in her room. Except for his — oh, right, his shirt. Which she is currently kind of wearing.

But she didn't _wanna_ take it off.

"Hey, Babe," he murmurs, sliding his cell in his pocket and snaking his arms around her waist. "I kind of need my shirt back."

She pouts at him. "Don't wanna."

But then an evil idea crosses her mind, and she smiles.

* * *

The moment she smiles, Suigetsu knows he's fucked.

"Or, maybe," she says, voice all low and sultry, "you can convince me?"

Oh, she wanted to play that game? Fine by him. _He_ wasn't the one who had class.

He leans in to kiss her, slowly, trailing his fingertips along the tops of her thighs, past the lace frill of her underwear, before sliding down to squeeze her ass. She squeaks in surprise, but wraps her arms around his neck to kiss him deeper.

As their tongues entangle and he hoists her up onto her dresser, he thinks he's going to love living with this girl.

* * *

**to: Kar  
from: Sak  
**_I think I just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame. Beautiful_.

**to: Sak  
from: Kar  
**_isn't it JUST?_

**to: Sak; Ino; Hina; Tennie  
from: Kar  
**_by the way i may or may not end up rooming with the guy i fucked last night. and this morning. it's been a good day. _

**to: Kar  
from: Ino  
**_so the dick was a go?_

* * *

**to: Babe  
from: Sexy Sui  
**_By the way, your neighbor from across the street gave me a funny look as I was getting in my car. Sue her.  
_

**to: Sexy Sui  
from: Babe  
**_that would be one of my best friends. and THIS is what you set your name as?  
_

**to: Babe  
from: Sexy Sui  
**_Would you deny it?  
_

**to: Sexy Sui  
from: Babe  
**_hmm. maybe not. but it might require more testing. _

**to: Babe  
from: Sexy Sui  
**_Well, when can you come see the apartment? Because, we can make that happen._

**to: Sexy Sui  
from: Babe  
**_i get off work at 8. i can bring pizza?_

**to: Babe  
from: Sexy Sui  
**_I'll be there, Babe._

* * *

**ending notes:** yes, so this was long, love me. and um, yeah, i'm just not very good at writing straight porn. sorrryyyyyy. also, i'm sure karin is so out of character it makes you want to shoot yourself. sorry for that too. and, yeah, there will be stories from between this point and the point they were at when they _first_ showed up. you can be sure of that. they all kind of jump around. they all get together at different times, all have different kinds of drama. so. yeah. maybe one day i'll organize it all. & remember that next couple chapters are allll about this night at the club. have fun!


	9. shut up

**summary**: congratulations, its 2 am and you're covered in glitter and what you're pretty sure is tequila bottles. you're headed places, kid.  
**dedication**: to being fabulous, obviously.  
**notes**: mm, updates are one hundred percent likely to slow down from the every day thing because of classes and that i'm also writing another multi-chapter right now. but this is usually a stress relief for me so i can get these out pretty easy.  
**ps**: sorry! i really meant to post something earlier in the week but i'm part of my school's dance company and we performed on Friday and that was kind of the center of my focus. the next chapter, by the way, will be out much quicker and hopefully be much longer, and, well, more smutty.

* * *

chapter o9:  
_(617)  
shut up, i wear heels bigger than your dick._

* * *

Well, Karin the stupid bitch had ditched her — them. And now she had nobody to dance with, because Sakura would not grind booties with her like Karin would, and well, she wouldn't even _dare_ ask Hinata or Tenten.

So she leans in close and talks as loud as she can, hoping Sakura can hear. "I'm going to find someone to dance with, Karin ditched us to get dick."

Sakura frowns and rolls her eyes, and although Ino can't hear it she knows Sakura's bitching about the redhead. But with a nod and a wave of her hand, she dismisses Ino.

And so the blonde was on a _hunt_. Because she wanted to get laid if Karin had already ditched them, fuck their supposed Girl Night. (And, well, ok, this _always_ happened and she _knows_ it pisses the other three off to no end, but when Karin ditches, so does she. They were a pair.)

Ino let the music take her, then, in the middle of the dance floor, not quite partnered with anyone. Dancing was what she was _good_ at, for the specific reason that she could completely lose herself in the music. She was vulnerable, caught up in the sharp thuds of the beat that resonated through her bones, but here she didn't particularly care.

And she smiles to herself as she feels a hand on her waist and warm breath on her neck.

"What's your name?" he asks, in a husky voice.

"Ino," she replies, turning around to get a good look at him. He was…attractive, yeah, wow, ok. With a pretty tan and a sharp jawline, she could _definitely_ imagine kissing that. "And yours, stud?"

"Kiba," he says with a grin. "Wanna get a drink?"

They retreat to the bar — and, oh, there goes Karin — off where the music wasn't quite so loud, and they could talk without having to scream in each others ears. He buys them both drinks: for her, a fruity drink that she didn't particularly care about, and for him, a beer — boring, true, but got the job done.

"Do you go to Konoha Uni?" she asks, with a bat of her lashes and a flirty smile as she sips from her drink.

"Yeah," he says. "You?"

She hums in affirmation. Mm, he was probably a year older than her, but she couldn't quite tell in the dim light.

As their small talk continued, she found herself confused. When had she _ever_ had small talk with her one-night stands besides a quick exchange of names so that they knew what to moan out? Something felt different. The way he smiled at her, though still flirtatious and sexy, had a hint of something…God, she didn't know, sweet?

And she made a split second decision that, if she was honest with herself, she never would have made with anybody else that she met at a club.

"Hey, I have to get back to my friends," she says, watching his face drop, but quickly continues, "but would you like to meet up sometime?"

Ino really hopes he takes this as a date and not as a booty call.

Kiba grins and nods, pulling out his cell phone. "Sure, I'd love that."

They make a date at the local pizza place for three days later, and she smiles a smile that she's not quite sure she ever has for a boy. "I'll see you then, Kiba."

When she returns to the girls, they're shocked and astonished that she is not completely naked in some guy's arms, nonetheless _there_.

"What can I say?" she says with a smile, looking at his glowing contact screen on her cell. "He's special. I didn't want to just fuck him."

Sakura gives her a look that calls her crazy. "Ino, you've known him for all of ten minutes. How the fuck do you know if he's special?"

She shrugs. "I just _do_, Sak."

* * *

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Just making sure we're still on for Venezia's tomorrow?_

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_yes! definitely. (:_

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Awesome. Just wasn't sure, thought maybe you had the alcohol out of your head you might've reconsidered._

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_oh, trust me, stud, i wouldn't even THINK of reconsidering. _

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Neither would I. Glad we're on the same page here. ;)_

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_i hope you do realize that i'm not a booty call, right? because ok, yes, we did meet in a bar and i may have been a little smashed but if that's what you're looking for in our date than we should really just call the whole thing off._

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Of course not! Well, ok, you're def hot, but I really do want to go on a date with you. Trust me, if I just wanted a booty call, I would have told you. Even if you were kind of smashed._

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_good, very good, yes. ok, we ARE on the same page here. and shut up, i wear heels bigger than your dick._

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Hmm, not so sure. We might have to test that. _

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_oh, stud, you obviously did not get a good look at my bangin' heels last night. _

**to: Beautiful  
from: Stud  
**_Well, I guess you'll just have to wear your best tomorrow, won't you?_

**to: Stud  
from: Beautiful  
**_and so you shall receive. see you tomorrow, stud._

**to: Beautiful  
****from: Stud  
**_Looking forward to those heels, beautiful._


End file.
